ALEX LOPEZ

Over time I learned that saying "No" to certain things means saying "Yes" to yourself more. Declining an invite to go out because you want to rest for the weekend. Refusing to buy a product that your friend sells because you want to save money. We should not feel guilty or embarrassed for every "No." Why?

We are all humans who desire something in this world. It is normal to dream of getting your hands on that gadget you saw online, or to taste the food that you have been wanting to try for months now. Having these thoughts does not make you greedy. But you must always keep in mind that the things that we want are not necessarily the things that we need. It is important to distinguish your needs and wants. Do I really need that overpriced newly-released phone? When my phone is still in a good condition. Do I really need to eat at that restaurant now? If one meal already costs me a weekly allowance. It does not hurt putting your needs first and putting aside your wants for now. You can always go to that restaurant when you have extra in your pocket. In a few months, new models will be released. So every time you desire something, ask yourself first, "Do I really need this now?"

We must acknowledge that we can't have everything that we want. We are just humans. Just like how we can't have everything that we want, we can't also do everything at once. There is a limit to what we can do at the moment. There is also a limit to what we can spend in terms of money and time. Acknowledging limitations means I can't spend a thousand pesos for a lipstick because I will be short on allowance for next week and the pay out is still at the end of the month. I don't want to owe money from my friend because I spent it on an item I could have bought some other time. Acknowledging limitations means I can't attend an event I want to because I have work to do which is important. So always think twice before making a decision. Do not be impulsive.

Why do you think you need approval from others? Why do you seek validation from strangers? Pleasing other people won't ever make you happy. You are not in this world to please everyone. You don't need to change who you are to belong. You don't need to like what everyone likes. You don't need to have the same opinion as the majority. You don't need to do what everyone else is doing. Say "No" to pleasing other people and say "Yes" to being the authentic and real you.

Saying no means saying yes to yourself. Yes to the well-deserved rest you earned for the week. Yes to finally starting what you have always wanted to do. Saying no to the things you have already done multiple times is not a bad deed. It signifies growth. You are done with drunk Saturday nights because you decided to spend it writing the first page of the book you have always dreamed of. Deciding not to go out because you want more time for yourself or your passion is not a bad decision and definitely not being a bad friend. Focusing on what you want to achieve involves removing distractions. To get where you want to be in life, sacrifice and compromise is needed. You may lose some of your friends. But that's life. You grow, and sometimes you lose people along the way because they are not part of the next thing God has planned for you. You are going to change habits because they no longer help your current and future self. And that's okay. Growth happens outside your comfort zone.

Sometimes, "No" is not "Never", rather it is a "Not right now". Because you have more important things to do right now, you have to postpone your "Yes". Assessing the situation first before deciding is a great attitude to develop. My mom taught me that before I do something, I must always ask myself how it is going to benefit me in the long run. We must prioritize what is best for us in the long term. Thriving today because you are thinking for the future is better than short term satisfaction and happiness. The "Long Term > Short Term" mindset can be applied in many things, but not everything. Sometimes the risk is worth it, but not all the time. For instance, every month you buy new clothes because you want to reward yourself. You spend at least 2,000 PhP for your clothes. Months have passed, you have a lot of clothes (some of them you only wore once) and suddenly you lost your job. You have no savings because you spent it all on clothes. Where will you get the money to apply for a new job? You can sell your clothes, but the return is going to be less than how much you paid for. Rewarding yourself that much on a monthly basis was unnecessary. If you had saved up, you wouldn't be in that kind of situation. If you learned to make decisions by thinking of the long term, that situation could have been prevented. Before you decide on something, think about how it is going to affect you in the long term.

We should not feel guilty or embarrassed for every "No" we told someone because it can be a "Yes" to ourselves. Because we have things that we must put first. Because we are thinking of its long term value. Because we are saving for a bigger purpose. These are the moments that "No" becomes a right answer.

The hardest goodbyes are the ones that are necessary. Necessary for the growth of both of you. Sometimes people need to grow apart to become who they are meant to be. You must understand why it had to happen. You must accept that is the end of your story together. You must learn to let go. The process is difficult and uncomfortable. But it is the only thing left to do. Pain is inevitable. And you will feel every bit of it. But it's alright. You feel this now because you have loved truly. It only hurts this much because you have loved the person greatly.

I am sure you have tons of questions that will not be answered. I am sure there are nights where you just don’t know what to do anymore, what to feel and how to start again. These are the times that you should know this. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you if someone decides that you should not be a part of their life anymore. It simply means you aren’t their person. And they aren’t yours.

Yes, it hurts like hell. Everything you imagined for you two will not happen anymore. You will not be the one who is going to be with him when he achieves his dreams. You will not be holding his hand when you finally go to the places you both dreamed before. It is not him that you will see and touch when you want to feel fine from a bad day. Everywhere you go, everything you see has a story to it. And you will remember him even in the most unconvenient times. You will start to live each day remembering everything when you were still together. And you will make it through. 

What people don't understand is that depression is  not just simply wallowing in sadness- it is deeper  than that. It is usually caused by a triggering event, until it's not just one thing to get over from. Sadness is temporary. You go get ice cream, you're okay again. You go do something you love,  you're okay again. Depression is something more than that. The things you used to love, you no longer do. You lose the energy to do basically anything. You can't move forward because there isn't a path that you can see. You don't know where you're going. You are stuck in this one place with nowhere else to go and no light to look upon. You can't move.

Depression made me feel like an empty shell, numb to any emotions. Depression is the monster that is  creeping outside my window except that it is my own reflection. Depression is the monster calling  me under my bed, except that it's my own voice. You don't know what it's like to be alone in a room and feel suffocated by your own presence. Depression is the darkness that I see when I close my eyes except that it never left me.

I started to question everything. My existence. Why am I here? Why am I still breathing? What am I  doing with my life? Is there a point in living? 

No one really noticed. People come to me and say,  "You are blooming. You look happy." They will say, "You don't look sad. You don't look like you have problems." Maybe because I am able to laugh, and joke around with them. No one really knew when it's time to go to bed, I take off my mask. I cage myself in a space I created with walls no one can tear down. I was on the verge of giving up. I had no place to go. I didn't even have an idea where the fuck I wanted to go or what the fuck I wanted to happen. It's the first time I ever felt alone and isolated. Silence was so loud it told me to shut myself out.

I had consecutive nights of drinking, going anywhere, wasting my time doing irrelevant shit, anything just to escape. I didn't give a fuck what other people would think, what my parents would say. I did anything that would keep me off a dangerous place- my mind. But I never told anyone that I wanted to die. I wanted to disappear.

I did not open up to anyone because I already knew what they'd say without me telling them what's  wrong. I already knew that they'd tell me that it's going to be okay. They'd tell me to cheer up and just think of positive thoughts. I already knew those are the things that I needed to do, I  just didn't see the point of doing it.

I held it in. I kept it all to myself. I told myself every fucking time, "This is not you. You are stronger than this." I fought the battle within me. I trained my mind to control what thoughts I take in, to watch what words I feed it. I struggled everyday until  my heart started to feel less empty. My body started to feel less heavy. I tried hard to find the thing that would keep me going- my purpose in life. I am reminded of what I really wanted to do from the beginning. Although it's vague and I haven't really put everything in motion yet, I have a destination in mind. And I am okay again, actually, I'm better than before. It didn't happen to me in the blink of an eye. It wasn't a sudden realization. I cultivated my mind to see what really matters. I surrounded myself with people who inspire me and motivate me. I did what I could to get better. Now it has been made clear to me by God. He wanted this for me. He was leading me into this direction. I only needed to trust Him and his plans for me.

To everyone out there who is struggling with something, I want to tell you that it is okay if you find it difficult to open up yourself. Sometimes it's wiser to keep things to yourself in order to learn your lessons. There are moments when we neglect to see that we are our problem. If we can spend a minute of the day, reflecting our own actions and decisions, we might learn something new. We might find out that we are also the solution to our problems.

Although sometimes it's better to not keep things to yourself. You shouldn't feel obligated to share your problems with anyone (friends or family) thinking that it is the ONLY solution. It is not. But you always have the option to share them if you feel the NEED to let it all out. If you can no longer contain your thoughts. If you think you are a ticking bomb that is going to explode at any moment. If you have become the thing that needs rescuing from yourself. If you need someone to tell you what to do. Sometimes reaching out is what saves you. Surrendering yourself by breaking down the walls you have built and being naked (showing your soul).

You only need to know which battles to fight on your own and which one to fight with help from others. If you choose to fight it on your own, nobody has the right to tell you why you shouldn't do that. If you choose to fight it by seeking help from others, you should not be judged and told that you are weak and you can't do anything yourself. Fuck them.

I fought depression by doing both. I kept my thoughts to myself, but I still surrounded myself with the people who matter to me. I knew that the person that can best help me is myself. Other people are only there for you to help you muster the strength to go on. In the end, it is still you who makes the choices.

Sometimes when we are struggling, we don't necessarily need a hell of an advice because most of the time we already know what to do. We only need to start doing it. If we cannot find it within ourselves, we need to find it in others. We need to surround ourselves with the people who can make us feel loved, help us grow, and the people who can make us like who we are. We are not alone in our struggle and there are people who appreciate our presence.

Thank you for coming to my life. I enjoyed every bits of our journey together- including the struggle, pain and heartache that it brought. If given a choice to meet you again for the first time, I would. Even with the knowledge of how we would end. Because in you, I found a partner who always supported me, encouraged me and pushed me to become better. Those two years are necessary to shape me into the person I wanted to be. That is why I will be forever grateful to you.

Now as we journey on our separate lives, I want you to not look back and just keep moving forward. All the mistakes you did in the past, those are not you anymore. You have changed. You have grown. You have learned. Just continue to reach for your dreams. Even if I am not by your side anymore, I will be supporting you.

We did not work out. And that is okay for me. Because I understand that this is the end of our story. I understand that these kind of things had to happen to make way for what are truly meant for us. I already accepted it. When I told you that I had no hard feelings toward you, it was honest. I can't find it in myself to hate you because I understand. I always do. No matter who you are with, what matters to me is that you are happy. I don't take it against you that you left me and you wanted to explore the world without me. After all, we are both just ordinary people who are trying to find what we want in life. I do hope you find what it is your heart longs for. You are a great person and I will remember you as a great person who is passionate about music. I wish you the best in life. You deserve the happiness you are feeling now and all the happiness you are yet to embrace.

Thank you for everything you brought into my life. I will never forget all the memories we shared together. I will cherish them. And also, thank you for leaving. Because I got to know myself better. I am strong. I will be fine on my own. I am loved by so many people around me. I learned how to appreciate them more. I learned how to be there for other people, as well. You showed me my worth when you left. I realized I held myself back from doing what I wanted because I was waiting to do those things with you. I realized how I settled for less than what I deserve because I was afraid you will be gone. I realized that I don't need to beg for love and attention because when it's with the right person, he will give it to me without needing to ask. All the things that you took for granted, I was able to see them as my best qualities. I now know what I can offer to the right person, when he comes. So, thank you for loving me and for hurting me. The hole in my heart that you brought with you when you left, I was able to fill with love from different people and mostly, from myself. I learned how to love myself more. I was able to see the parts of me that I need to embrace, and feel proud of. You made me realize all these things. I am capable of many things. Now I know that I deserve better. Now I know that better things in life await me. I do hope we will be able to meet again someday and we can be friends then. Until that time comes, let us both enjoy our lives.

Waiting more than a year for Stranger Things 2 have been a struggle for me. Now that Stranger Things 2 is out, I cannot help but write about the things that I love from the show. The Duffer Brothers truly exceeded it this time. I loved the first season of Stranger Things and I love the second season more because of these things.

‼️! SPOILERS AHEAD ‼️!

New characters

Billy

The new King of the campus, played by Joe Kerry. With Steve Harrington’s development from a jerk to a selfless human being, the show needed to introduce a new antagonist. And Billy is the villain every girls would die for. The scene with Mrs. Wheeler is one of my favorites. 

Max

The new member of the party (Mike and El don’t approve) who is caught in a love triangle with Dustin and Lucas. Max is a total bad ass. She skates, she scores the highest in arcades and she stood up to her brother to protect her friends. I would love to see how her character will develop in the next seasons. 

Bob

I love how Joyce Byers has found a boyfriend and how it was played by Sean Astin. His character was mysterious to me at first because I could not figure out what his intentions were. In the end, I did.  RIP, Bob. 

Kali

“Kali is like Yoda.” - Beyond Stranger Things. Indeed, she is. Now that 008 has been introduced, I am expecting that in season three, the gang will go on a journey to find the others like Eleven and Kali. And hopefully,  make them help out in defeating the Mind Flayer. 

I like how they opened the season introducing the families of the gang. Dustin’s mom. Lucas’ little sister, Erica. Love them. RIP, Mews.

Steve Harrington’s character development

I like his character development from the bad boy to sort of like the older brother of the gang. Being all in love with Nancy makes him more attractive to me. I am excited about the roles he will play for the next season and how their love triangle will develop. 

Jancy: Jonathan and Nancy

I ship Jonathan and Nancy even from first season. They finally happened, thanks to Murray. I could not be happier. (But you have to sort things out with Steve, girl.)

Eleven’s strength

After season one ended, we were all left with the question of what happened to Eleven. I love how they went with the story that she was kept by Hopper and he became a dad to her. I love how she had a rebellious phase, Punk Eleven, wherein she heightened her power with the help of Kali. But in the end, she chose to come home to save her friends. The scene where she step at the door and then Mike saw her... The best. I am such a fan. Millie rocks.

Snow Ball